~ Monday, August 08, 2005 ~

Things I Do When I'm Bored

I missed a train yesterday and had to wait an hour for the next one, so without a book or a stranger to pass the time, I thought I'd call some friends I hadn't spoken to in months, whose real-life last name is Lockett. They didn't answer, though, so I sang this into their answering machine:

Locketts, even speedier than
Rocketts; you can put 'em in your
Pocketts, and it'll cure the Strepto-
Coccus virus
Locketts, like electrical
Socketts; not even {curly
Brahcketts} can hold the power of
Locketts.

The train still hadn't come, so I started putting together the verse that would logically follow:

Latkes, cooking in the
Potkes, floating like a
Yacht does, when the oil is
Hot, cuz of physics
Latkes, with a couple double
Vodkas, and they're never gonna
Rot, cuz everybody gobbles
Latkes.

Shortly afterward the train came, and soon after that I met my friend Jack-in-the-Pulpit, who informed me that Streptococcus is a bacterium, not a virus. Drat.

As for the melody I used, I know it's something stupid like an ad jingle or a kid's jumprope song, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. At the risk of taking myself too seriously, though, I've tried to devise a simple notation system so that you can get an idea of how it sounds.

The key is F Major, the meter is 4/4.
| is a measure line,
. is an eighth rest,
x is an eighth note, and
- means you should hold the previous note for another eighth beat.
The space in the middle of each measure is just there to make it easier to read.

Locketts, even speedier than
|f--- d---|..ff fdfg|

Rocketts; you can put 'em in your
|f--- c---|..cc ddcc|

Pocketts, and it'll cure the Strepto-
|c--- e---|.ccc ddcc|

Coccus virus
|c--- f---|.... g-f-|

Locketts, like electrical
|f--- d---|..ff fdf-|

Socketts; not even curly
|f--- c---|.ccc d-c-|

Brahcketts can hold the power of
|c--- e---|.ccc dde-|

Locketts.
|g--- f---|.... ....|

Latkes, cooking in the
|f--- d---|.... fdfg|

Potkes, floating like a
|f--- c---|.... ddcc|

Yacht does, when the oil is
|c--- e---|..cc ddc-|

Hot, cuz of physics
|c--- f---|..f- g-f-|

Latkes, with a couple double
|f--- d---|..ff fdfg|

Vodkas, and they're never gonna
|f--- c---|..cc ddcc|

Rot, cuz everybody gobbles
|c--- e---|..cc ddee|

Latkes.
|g--- f---|.... ....|

If you can figure out my notation system and you recognize the melody, and you tell me what song it's based on, I will write you an equally profound song based on your name. Oh the incentive.

~ prattled by Miriam at 2:30 p.m. [+]

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Comments:

Miriam...you're ridiculously awesome.

# posted by  Anonymous : 4:43 p.m.  

It's nice when I can amuse people other than myself. :) I wanted to comment in response to your latest post and couldn't find the comment link! It was full of delicious spite and left me wondering what the rest of the story was.

# posted by  Miriam : 4:57 p.m.  

As always, the lyrics are brilliant, and brilliantly amusing! Have you considered picking up where Sylvia Fine left off?

# posted by  Anonymous : 7:41 p.m.  

One thing that your notation system is missing is an octave indicator. So if you go from an F to a C, is that a 5th up or a 4th down? Etc. Of course, I'm not sure if I know it either way, so it doesn't matter a whole lot.

# posted by  Tandava : 8:45 p.m.  

Wow. Just wow, and I hope they retali-...reciprocated appropriately.

# posted by  Borden : 3:25 p.m.  

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# posted by  Anonymous : 5:00 p.m.  

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